The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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