First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
