my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just want to make out with him forever
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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