She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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