Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
