Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize