The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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