you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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