I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
