My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
