I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
