She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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