Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
