My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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