I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
