Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
