Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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