New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize