he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wish my penis had a tongue
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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