If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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