I wanna bring you to show and tell
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
