he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
