guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think i have herpe
just one?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
