If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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