if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
