am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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