so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
