Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
