She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
