Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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