well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
