He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
