i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
