every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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