I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
