saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
