i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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