Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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