I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
