Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
