Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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