Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
