I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Quick, to the slutcave!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
