I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
