So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize