Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
