I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
