Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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