taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
