i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
