break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
