I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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