Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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