Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
