I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
