took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
