i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
