I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
