I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
