i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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