Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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