I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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