just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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