I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
