She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
