I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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