I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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