He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
