There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
