One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
