take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She even gives head with a lisp.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think i got beer on your cat.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
