Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
